Bloom where you're planted

**This is a blog I wrote on 11/8/12 but am just now posting. It may not all make sense, but I wanted to write my thoughts and feelings about this point in life down.**

I have always been in a hurry to grow up. For as long as I can remember I wanted to just be older, to be at the next phase in life, to be more grown up, to be more adult like. But today I chose to just STOP. And be in THIS moment. And I watched, and I truly listened, and I truly cared.

 Today was my last day at Lafayette Elementary School. As I picked up each of my kids from their rooms and brought them to “speech”, I looked at their sweet faces, I laughed at their funny stories, I listened to their lives’ problems, and I enjoyed their unique personalities… I wasn’t just going through the motions and being “Ms Amy, the speech teacher”, I was being their friend and their confidant.

Throughout the semester I was overwhelmed by how much hurt and loss many of my kids were dealing with at such a young age. Abusive fathers, imprisoned mothers, deceased parents… my heart broke for these kids. So while walking each of my kids back to their classrooms today after “speech” I silently prayed for them by name. I prayed for their safety, I prayed for their peace, I prayed for their comfort, I prayed for God to help them always make wise decisions. I prayed for God to reveal His infinite love to each one of them that they might one day realize their need for HIM.

And at the end of my very last day, I sat back. I sat back and reflected on the past semester. I reflected on how much I have learned, not only about speech, but about life. About how God took a semester I was DREADING and turned it into the best semester yet.

Many of the kids I worked with I will never see again, but I believe I will always remember them. They will always have a place in my heart. Even though I was counting down the days until my externship was over, I realize just what a rewarding and wonderful experience it was…

I am Amy. I am always looking for the next step. Every semester I have approached the semester from the standpoint that I am trying to figure out if “yes THIS is what I want to do!” “THIS is the part of speech pathology that’s for me!” Because I am Amy. And I am ALWAYS thinking ahead. Planning. Trying to get it all figured out. And wishing away my present days in hopes of “something better”...

The truth is, after my school system experience, I don’t know if “yes, this is the job for me!” or “no this was not the place for me.” I really can’t say. I can honestly say that I do not know. I don’t have it figured out. I have no idea what type of job I will want. And that’s okay. I may love my medical setting next semester. Or I may not. I may hate the medical setting and end up in a school. Maybe I’ll end up in a nursing home. All I know is that I want to be where God leads me.

I want so badly to plan out my entire life. To know exactly what is around the corner. I want to be able to set a graduation/ get a job/ get married/ move to a new place/have a baby timeline. But I just can’t.

And for the first time I feel okay with that. Sometimes when you slow down and take a look at where you are RIGHT NOW, you realize that the “something better” isn’t so important… And if you are so focused on what’s ahead and what’s to come in the future, you might miss out on the great things happening NOW.

Bloom where you’re planted.                              The grass is greener where you water it.